Memorial Gardening

My first memorial garden was after the miscarriage of our third child. It was more difficult than I'd expected it would be, and that caught me off-guard. I was busy with two young boys and couldn't manage grieving too well with my busy daily schedule. The following summer I made this stepping stone and placed it next to some perennial babies breath that I bought to go next to it. That act, 14 years ago, turned out to be a gentle healing. It is also enduring. I like this. I can walk by and remember. I am assured that I will meet my baby one day, who waits joyously with the Lord. I don't forget. We need a sense of living on, it's a created desire within us. It's why we have memorial gardens across the world.

However, we don't need to have lost a loved one in order to remember them. There are many reasons to mark a special occasion, and many ways to do it. These are for sharing as well as being personal. We not only love special occasions, we need them. The tedium of daily toil can wear us down. A special something offers fuel to our thirsty soul. When husband unexpectedly brings home your favorite chocolate bar, or wife welcomes you home with your favorite meatloaf and mashed potatoes your heart skips a beat, and even your next day is better. Creating for yourself and your family a little retreat for remembrance can uplift their souls and make new memories, as well.

I knew a family that planted a tree when each of their children were born. In fact, the meaning of one of their sons' names was "oak", guess what kind of tree dad planted that year? I loved the idea, however, we moved into a home with enough trees and a too-small yard for this. Besides, I needed all the sunlight for my gardening. The Arbor Foundation recommends planting a tree at your local nursing home or school if you don't have the room in your yard. Many do have space for such an incredibly endearing and long-lasting remembrance.

There's a lot of mystique about trees. The Celts, Druids, and Celtic Monks believed there was knowledge to be sought about a person by their "birthday tree," such as pine, oak, cedar, and chestnut. Similar to the Zodiac, if you are born during a stated period, you are such a tree and have such characteristics.

For me, a tree is a home, shelter, and source of gathering. It is abundant with life, refuge on a hot summer day, generous with shade and health, sometimes even produce.

Perhaps a quiet spot under a shade tree would be a good spot. Be it to sit and remember a very special loved one, or to create a lovely corner for an anniversary picnic each year, just the two of you. Invest in a good, solid bench and it will serve you with years of reclining and rest. You will sit to watch your children run through the sprinkler, and your grandchildren play ball.

A plaque to mark the occasion is a special addition that you'll appreciate for many years. You'll be able to explain it to those who ask, and talk about it while your heart is soothed.

Garden art can be a beautiful and original way to mark an occasion as well remembering. The sky is the limit with these. Don't be hasty, take your time and see what's out there. Go to galleries and look at original works. Better garden stores have good quality works that will stand up to decades of seasons. For a commemoration piece you won't want to spend your money on something that will chip, crack, or shatter. This is something special, and as such, an investment.

Many artists make their own free-form, and even whimsical sculptures. When you're on the look-out for one in particular that will be "just right", you'll know it when you see it. Let yourself be picky about this, it's for familial posterity.

Be it for your wedding, your anniversary, or the purchase of your new home, working together to create a love garden is a romantic experience that will give you years of fulfilment and stories to share with your offspring. Your choices are seemingly endless in a world where romance is idealized and aspired unto.

Roses, for one, don't need to be temperamental and high-maintenance. There are heirloom varieties that are very resistant to pest and disease. These tend to be quite fragrant and floriferous, giving abundant rose hips in the fall. They're very much unlike their finicky pedigree cousins. I'm particularly fond of their faithful, old-fashioned beauty.

There are easy perennials with lovely names and blooms. Bleeding Hearts are easy to grow with charming blooms in the late spring. After a few years, you may even divide your plant into two, spreading the diminutive pink hearts across your little patch. Watch for common names that you find especially dazzling. Learn as much about the plant as you can, as well as the area of your garden spot.

Annuals are easy to grow from seed, offering such splendid varieties and names as Forget-Me-Nots, and Love-In-a-Mist. It would be hard not to be enchanted whilst surrounded by such flirtatious flora. Many of these flowers allow you to save their seeds easily once they've dried up. There's even a flowering water plant called Floating Heart, which would be it's common name. I haven't explored water gardens yet, but I've known someone who has and I quite admired it. A love garden would be enjoyable for many years, with a deeper meaning in your tending and labor.

Years ago my husband arranged for a heart rock to be delivered to me, as a surprise one day. Its been next to my bleeding heart ever since, along with a pair of ceramic snuggling garden geese, given to us by my mother-in-law, because it reminded her of us. Its always been a special spot.

We had a couple of picnic tables out back for years, but our lawn was uneven. This made it a wobbly affair for eating, balancing people of just the right sizes onto each end. The year our eldest son graduated from high school we put in a patio. Financially its a big bite, but the rewards are immense! The children are out there every day, each evening they ask to eat out. We use the area for crafts, bonfires, and family gatherings of all sorts. Wouldn't you guess, it rained the day of our boys graduation party.

Putting together a place for picnics doesnt have to break the bank. We've inherited a table and chairs from my husbands grandmother thats in wonderful condition. If we wished, we could give it a couple coats of spray paint, either in its original white or a whimsical bright array of color. Our first outdoor picnic table was a weathered, old metal-based affair that you weren't quite sure would even hold you up. The metal base was in good shape. We had a good evening with the old wood in the neighbor's bonfire, and went out to buy new boards. We copied our neighbor's nice and sturdy table, which is also somewhat longer than an average picnic table. Perfect for our family.

Collect large stepping stones that are flat on one side. These can be dug into the ground to fit nice and snug so that you can mow over them without hitting the stones with your blades, but they can also give you flatter ground for your table.

Children's gardens are a lot of fun and such a great way to introduce kids to a world of interests. Gardening involves many different sciences, such as composting, nutrition, soil, insects, pollination, and much, much more! Their joy and pride are bursting when they show off their giant sunflower to grandma, bring a little bouquet to their teacher, or eat the sweet beans they grew by themselves. This could become a summer tradition and a beloved memory of fun times with the family.

There are lots of flowers and vegetables that are easy to grow. We don't need to be long-seasoned parents to have received a bean or sunflower in a cup. Gently transplant them and they'll be the "special" plant all season long. Believe me, it'll get special attention. Sunflowers are best planted right into the soil, as are beans, and many other plants. Scarlet runner beans are a vining variety that will twist right up the stretching sunflowers and give your child bright red flowers, and later red and black dried beans.

If you have a nice shady spot under a tree, you're half-way ready for a great reading spot. There are some nice comfortable, reclining outdoor seating options to consider for a spot like this. A hammock is perfect, but there are also chairs with ottomans and cushions that would require little care and be very comfortable. This would be an inviting spot for every member of the family for many months each year. Snuggle up in a quilt when it's chilly, grab an ice cold lemonade when it's hot.

Cairns are an ancient tradition, used around the world. Marking direction, graves, and religious ceremony, they have a long, rich history in many cultures. The most common use, found across Scandinavia, Finland, Iceland, and the Americas, is to mark direction, nautical navigation, and gaming trails. We find them oftentimes now while hiking in parks. I had one in the front yard, with a pointed rock in the middle pointing to "home". It set our home apart from our neighbors.

Butterflies are pollinators. They're like fluttering flowers that give life to their sedentary cousins. We must always keep in mind that attracting butterflies is attracting bees. Let us note that wasps (aka hornets, yellow-jackets) are not bees. In fact, many wasps eat honey bees and attack their nests. Wasps are a nuisance to people because they are attracted to the same things; fruits, soda pop, sweets, etc. They see us as a threat and can use their stinger prodigiously. A honey bee can only use it's stinger once. This is the reason why we don't find honey bees pestering us nearly as much as wasps. They have much, much more to lose.

When it comes to choosing which flowers to plant for butterflies it's important to remember that many of the double blooms bred to impress our eyes won't do the same for our delicately winged friends. Choose single blooms, tubular and bell-shaped blooms, clusters of blooms, and daisy-like flowers.

Know what kind of butterflies and moths are in your area. Know what these caterpillars prefer, which is very often different than the adults. The adult will be attracted to these in order to lay their eggs and trust them as a nursery. Caterpillarsare notoriously picky eaters. We all learn about how the Monarch caterpillar relies solely upon the milkweed plant, but we may not all know that the Great Hack-berry Emperor caterpillar relies solely upon the Hack-berry, or that the Common Checkered Skipper caterpillar must begin it's life on a mallow or hollyhock. With a little effort we can learn these things and provide a lively garden which is full of activity and life.

One doesn't need a large space for a butterfly garden, many of these plants will grow easily in containers on a balcony. It's important to get plenty of sunshine and some shelter from the wind. Have a source of water for the tiny creatures, and some rocks for sunning themselves.

It's not recommended that you spend your money on what's called a butterfly house. These are meant for hibernation, however there are only a few species that seem to be vaguely attracted to them. There are, understandably, strategies for how and where they should best be placed. It's best to do some research on these before putting forth the effort. You may wish to use that money toward more plants!

My neighbors made a water garden and it was a very peaceful place. Something that began as a hole in the dirt transformed into a lovely man-made back yard pond, with rocks and plants along the edges. It was very tranquil. The sounds of the aerator were soft, like a small bubbling brook. It was hidden beneath another rock so that it even looked like a little spring. It's amazing what we can do in our own back yards these days!

We don't need to dig up our yards in order to make a water garden. I've seen rock fountains sold at garden centers, large boulder-sized rocks which appears to have a spring coming right up from the center.

You may choose to bring a table top fountain outdoors during the summer for a babbling brook effect. Put together a tub garden with an aerator. This way you can collect and compose water plants and keep a soft sound as well.

This can be a bit of trial and error. It can be a lot of trial and error! But, if you're persistent, and just plain stubborn, you're just the type to start your own bonsai. You know the rewards of stickin' with it time and again, ... and again, finally to see your efforts take root and blossom. You're the type that can understand perseverance and long-suffering. The type that knows there's a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet.

These first couple of following photos are chosen as inspiration. They are baby bonsai. I love it that someone had the foresight to take photographs of their project in it's early stages. It gives me motivation and encourages me to keep trying, although I would anyway. Only now I think I shall take photos. And I'm on the look-out for a book.

I've been growing birthday flowers for my family for almost as long as we've lived in our home. It's a fun, easy, and inclusive way to celebrate each member of the family. It's fun to announce when their flowers are springing up and blooming. As a mother of four boys, I can assure you, they have an appreciation deep inside, they just don't get giddy. My August-born daughter, however, pays close attention all summer until hers finally comes to blossom.

I've uploaded a photo of each month's flower in order below. The flowers I've listed here are suited for gardeners more than for florists. Many of the lists provided for birthday flowers are newer and more modern. Not all the garden variety flowers can be used in florists bouquets, so the florist industry updated the list to include two instead of one birthday flower. That's okay, I wouldn't mind getting a floral bouquet sent to me!

What ever you decide to do with your garden, do it with meaning and gusto. Make it an extention of you, of your family. Consider your grandchildren scampering about one day, asking about this flower or that statue, rocking on a swing or chasing butterflies. Invest your time and make memories. Take a lesson from the Scriptures, which tell us "whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for men." Make it bigger than yourself, we all need something that will hold us to it's care. The purpose of a memorial garden of any kind is the memories.